You gotta earn it

(this was Harper's first popsicle. They were made by Lucy and lemonade flavored. They made her mouth water, pucker and she couldn't get enough).

So far, I have averted any more tantrums, with Lucy, anyways. We lined up a few treats- movie nights, ice cream parlor outtings, etc. But the catch, she has to earn them. This now involves making good choices. Instead of throwing herself into a tantrum, I remind her that she has a choice to make: she can cry and scream and not earn a bonus, or she can throw her tantrum and still be upset when it is all over. She has decided to make "good choices".

Case in point, the other day, she got so mad and was ready to give it her all with tears and trantrums and then stopped, looked at me and said, "I made a good choice, Mom!" and the episode was over.

Now all I have to do is utter "choice" in any form and she is back in shape. Hopefully, now that we are a week without a tantrum we will see the incidents become fewer and fewer and they won't be her first instinct with how to deal with a situation.

Of course, that still leaves Harper who throws a tantrum over anything- seeing her milk, not getting a toy that she wants, being told no. And she is still around to antagonize her big sister who deperately wants to act like a baby when Harper gets her way over herself.

Ian always marvels at how I can watch the show "Jon and Kate Plus 8" since I am with and around kids all the time. I finally have an answer, not only do they make me feel more sane, but they have actually taught me that I don't need to interfere everytime Lucy and Harper have a scuffle. These two duke it out all the time, wrestling over toys, hitting each other, yelling in each other's faces and just driving each other nuts. I was interfering constantly and realized that other than jumping in when somebody is about to get hurt and defining the rules, they need to find a way of getting along without me.

Now I don't have to throw my own tantrums anymore. And because of that, I have earned my own prize, some peace.